Frequently Asked Questions
People start therapy when they want change and need support about a problem or set of challenges. These blocks in life could be longstanding or relatively new. Therapy works by helping you by connect the dots between your thoughts, feelings, and actions more clearly. It also helps define what really is in your control and what is not in your control.
You might think, “I already know what I’m supposed to do differently, I’m just not doing it. Why do I need to pay someone to tell me that?” If you can’t figure out how to get unstuck after trying out all your tools, you could use some help. The truth is no one has perfect objectivity about their situation. It’s not easy to know how you are getting in your own way or what is preventing you from having the experiences you want. A caring and trained professional is there to point out your blind spots at a manageable pace. Together, we help you figure out what you need to get over the hump. Research shows the quality of the relationship between you and your therapist makes for the most effective work (source).
In terms of what therapy looks like, you’ll come into my office and have a conversation about what’s going on with you. Most individuals come in for 50 minutes weekly, and I recommend couples come in for 80 minutes weekly.
You might think, “I already know what I’m supposed to do differently, I’m just not doing it. Why do I need to pay someone to tell me that?” If you can’t figure out how to get unstuck after trying out all your tools, you could use some help. The truth is no one has perfect objectivity about their situation. It’s not easy to know how you are getting in your own way or what is preventing you from having the experiences you want. A caring and trained professional is there to point out your blind spots at a manageable pace. Together, we help you figure out what you need to get over the hump. Research shows the quality of the relationship between you and your therapist makes for the most effective work (source).
In terms of what therapy looks like, you’ll come into my office and have a conversation about what’s going on with you. Most individuals come in for 50 minutes weekly, and I recommend couples come in for 80 minutes weekly.
There’s no hard and fast rule about the length of treatment, and so much depends on the complexity of what you’re bringing into therapy. Longer-term work is what most often leads to the lasting changes you’re looking for. Many clients choose to work with me for at least a year, sometimes more and sometimes less. I welcome conversations about your expectations around how long you’d like to attend therapy.
To start, I recommend at least 13 sessions–a season of your life–to get a sense for how it’s going and what therapy is like. Just like working out at the gym, both consistent attendance and commitment to the process yield the best outcomes.
Yes. I have experience working with many problems or concerns that bring folks to therapy. Here are some signs you may benefit from therapy with me:
- Difficulty maintaining stable moods – becoming anxious, depressed, or angry very easily
- A vague but haunting discomfort that things aren’t going well
- Having the same fights over and over with your partner
- That one life event you can’t quite “get over”
- Feedback from others that they’re concerned about you
- Feeling like you’re stuck, and as if life’s joy is getting away from you
- Easily over-invested and overwhelmed by work, sacrificing your well-being
- Your caregivers were absent, unwell, or substance abusers
- In need of trauma recovery from a specific event
- Support with gendered concerns or norms – i.e. women’s issues, men’s issues, gender identity
- LGBTQIA+ support
- BIPOC support, especially mixed race or ethnicity
It’s not unusual for one partner to want couples therapy than the other. Both partners need to be willing to have a consultation call and potentially an initial session to try it out. I will listen to both of your wants without shame or blame, and then invite questions. After that, it’s really up to both of you to keep returning.
If you really want to start couples work and your partner doesn’t, it may be a great starting point to initiate individual therapy if you haven’t already.
Book a free consultation. On that call, we will talk about if I’m the right professional to support your goals. If yes, we’ll schedule a time for a therapy appointment to have a deeper dive into what is going on. If you’re interested in couples therapy, both partners need to be present during this consultation.
“There are no classes in life for beginners; right away you are always asked to deal with what is most difficult.” – Rainer Maria Rilke
“Sex therapy” is honestly regular ol’ therapy that also includes a focus on your sexuality, desires, or sexual functioning. As a couples therapist and certified sex therapist, I have spent considerably more time than the average therapist training on how to work with sexual issues and relationships. In most cases, sex might be a source of stress, but it is interconnected with other emotional issues. We have to explore other parts of you to bring the whole story together. Sometimes, sexual concerns are straightforward and we can focus exclusively on that.
No, we don’t touch. Sex therapy is not a substitute for sex work or surrogate partnership. There are no physical exams or erotic interactions between us, and everyone’s clothes stay on. As stated above, we talk a lot like in typical therapy. However, I may suggest touch exercises for you to try at home alone or with partners (with consent). With couples in session, I may suggest touch exercises to increase connection and attachment. The real sexy stuff stays at home. If you are looking for healing work that includes touch, I can connect you with other professionals who work differently.
No, we don’t touch. Sex therapy is not a substitute for sex work or surrogate partnership. There are no physical exams or erotic interactions between us, and everyone’s clothes stay on. As stated above, we talk a lot like in typical therapy. However, I may suggest touch exercises for you to try at home alone or with partners (with consent). With couples in session, I may suggest touch exercises to increase connection and attachment. The real sexy stuff stays at home. If you are looking for healing work that includes touch, I can connect you with other professionals who work differently.
We will talk about things at a pace that feels right for you. Therapy about sex can get pretty in-depth without discussing all the specifics (although specifics are welcomed). In my experience, if you’re anxious or feel private about sex, it gets easier to talk about with practice.
The goal isn’t always about having more sex – it’s about having pleasurable sex. All desires are normal and can be explored. We will get clarity on your wants, however, “just start doing it!” is not what you’re going to hear from me.
The goal isn’t always about having more sex – it’s about having pleasurable sex. All desires are normal and can be explored. We will get clarity on your wants, however, “just start doing it!” is not what you’re going to hear from me.
If you’re already in therapy with an individual or couples therapist, do tell me. We’ll need to discuss how I fit into your care professionals. As a rule of thumb, a client can work with both an individual and couples therapist at the same time, but only one of each. In very limited cases, I may work as an “adjunct” therapist with a high level of involvement from your existing therapist.
If you have more questions, let’s talk about your circumstances more in depth in a consultation.
Yes, I work with individuals and couples with diverse relationship agreements and across the sexuality and gender spectrum. If you’re thinking of opening your relationship or otherwise need to work on the structure of your relationship, I can help. If kink or BDSM is also part of your relationships, I have advanced competency with that as well.
Book a free consultation. On that call, we will talk about if I’m the right professional to support your goals. If yes, we’ll schedule a time for a therapy appointment to have a deeper dive into what is going on. If you’re interested in couples therapy, both partners need to be present during this consultation.
“There are no classes in life for beginners; right away you are always asked to deal with what is most difficult.” – Rainer Maria Rilke
Let’s discuss session fees in our consultation.
I am not in-network on any insurance panels. However, many PPO policies will cover a percentage of out-of-network (OON) mental health treatment as part of their benefit – sometimes up to 70%. I am happy to provide documentation to you as an out-of-network provider for you to get that benefit from your PPO. Plans do vary, so it’s recommended you research that info in advance.
I accept HSA/FSA funds like a debit card. HMOs do not offer out-of-network benefits under most circumstances.
I accept HSA/FSA funds like a debit card. HMOs do not offer out-of-network benefits under most circumstances.
Contact your member services or benefits administrator to research your potential reimbursement. Here are some questions to help guide you:
- Do I have any benefits for out-of-network therapy? Procedure (CPT) codes if they ask:
- -Individual therapy: 90834
- -Couples therapy: 90847 and add-on code 99354
- When is the beginning of my plan year?
- What is my OON deductible and has it been met?
- What is my reimbursement rate and the max allowable amount per therapy session?
- What is the process to file and receive my reimbursement?
Book a free consultation. On that call, we will talk about if I’m the right professional to support your goals. If yes, we’ll schedule a time for a therapy appointment to have a deeper dive into what is going on. If you’re interested in couples therapy, both partners need to be present during this consultation.
“There are no classes in life for beginners; right away you are always asked to deal with what is most difficult.” – Rainer Maria Rilke
I pronounce my first name like ‘diva’. My last name is similar to ‘seagull’. Before you ask, the 90’s action star and martial artist has a different last name altogether.
I currently see clients during the day and early evenings. My office is at 582 Market St. in the downtown San Francisco area just outside the Montgomery Station. I can do sessions remotely over video on occasion, but I do not accept online only clients at this time.
Yes, I am mixed South Asian Indian and Caucasian. One of my parents is an immigrant and part of the global majority. There are experiences and connections outside of the dominant U.S. culture that inform my life, and I recognize many privileges in my socialization. In my practice, I often help clients that are multiethnic, BIPOC, first or second-generation immigrants, or have multiple racial or cultural identities. This includes interracial or intercultural couple clients.
Look at you, overachieving already! I’ve got just the thing. See my RESOURCES page.
“There are no classes in life for beginners; right away you are always asked to deal with what is most difficult.” – Rainer Maria Rilke