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Sex is no longer fun and playful the way you think it should be. The struggle to enjoy intimacy is leaving you at a loss and feeling alone. It’s either not the same as it used to be, or it never really was as important for you the way it is for other people.
When it comes to sex over the lifetime, nothing stays the same forever. As circumstances change, how you feel about sex will change right along with it. It could be that:
- Your sex drive feels like it just up and left.
- What used to turn you on is no longer working.
- You get tense when someone approaches you for sex.
- Things were never the same after a life event or change.
- You’ve never really considered yourself a “sexual person,” but you’re unsure if you’ve ever really examined that belief.
- When you are having sex, you’re not really “there”. Your mind is elsewhere and it’s a relief when it’s over.
If you’re in a relationship now, you could be at a crisis point about sex. The arguments, hurt feelings, and fears about the future are eating away at you both. The silences between you two can speak volumes. You may do things to avoid physical intimacy or talking about it altogether.
Sometimes, you can pinpoint the moment when your sexual libido took a turn. Depression and anxiety can eat away at desires at any stage. Memories from your past relationships or experiences won’t quite go away. You can start to pull away when someone is trying to get close to you. Maybe your body has undergone a significant change and your confidence about sex has taken a hit.
Wherever you are, you’re out of ideas on how to change things. It can feel hard to get away from the feeling you’re disappointing partners and lovers.
Desire runs on a spectrum.
From low to high and everywhere in between, it’s all okay. There is no right way to want sex. The truth is that sex rarely follows a standard script. We’re all unique individuals with changing sexual needs and preferences
It’s what you do with desire that matters.
Even if you’re not sure where to start, you have a right to know what about your sexuality is really in your control and what isn’t. You’re ready to focus on this part of your life more than ever.
It’s what you do with desire that matters.
Even if you’re not sure where to start, you have a right to know what about your sexuality is really in your control and what isn’t. You’re ready to focus on this part of your life more than ever.
Sex therapy vs regular individual therapy
Sex therapy with me is like other individual therapy – two people talking in a room – with a few crucial additions. We not only talk about your current life and your history, we’ll also make clear connections to how those things change how you show up sexually. Our work together is all about discovering what turns you on and off in life, and finding pathways to get you to where you want to be.
Clients often come to me assuming something is “wrong” with them sexually. They may have spent hours researching forums and articles on the internet, or trying remedies for their problems (Watch more porn! Wear this uncomfortable lingerie! Buy this supplement!). Many have been in therapy in the past, but it didn’t improve things or they didn’t feel like they could talk about sex in therapy at all.
Unfortunately, most therapists receive very few hours of education about sex in their therapy training. A certified sex therapist is a licensed mental health professional with more in-depth training and specialized education about sexuality. We treat sexual dysfunctions and libido issues while keeping our clients’ big picture emotional health and wellness in mind. It’s a holistic approach to your biggest struggles and challenges.
Clients often come to me assuming something is “wrong” with them sexually. They may have spent hours researching forums and articles on the internet, or trying remedies for their problems (Watch more porn! Wear this uncomfortable lingerie! Buy this supplement!). Many have been in therapy in the past, but it didn’t improve things or they didn’t feel like they could talk about sex in therapy at all.
Unfortunately, most therapists receive very few hours of education about sex in their therapy training. A certified sex therapist is a licensed mental health professional with more in-depth training and specialized education about sexuality. We treat sexual dysfunctions and libido issues while keeping our clients’ big picture emotional health and wellness in mind. It’s a holistic approach to your biggest struggles and challenges.
Individual sex therapy can help you with:
Unexpected shifts in your sexuality or fantasies
Sexual frustration in your relationship
Embarrassment about how to talk about sex
Recovering sexuality after trauma
Sexual dysfunctions impacting your emotional or physical well-being
Body changes due to hormones or health factors
Confusion, guilt, or shame about what turns you on
Lack of desire to have sex, or curiosity about asexuality
Uncertainty about your sexual orientation or just struggles with being “out”
Cultural factors affecting how you think about sex and sexuality
Problematic sex behaviors (sometimes known as sex addiction or sexual compulsion)
HOW SEX THERAPY WORKS
It’s not unusual for clients to really want to figure out what is going on, but also kinda feel intimidated and insecure about what to do and what’s going to happen in sex therapy. They want reassurances that I won’t recommend things that are too far out of their comfort zone, and they want concrete tools for improving their sexual problems.
- Step 1: We'll begin by establishing what your hopes and goals are. Then, we talk through the big picture of where you are in other areas of your life - work, partnerships, family, friends, responsibilities, and past relationships.
- Step 2: We will also explore what expectations, cultural identities, and misinformation you may have that are getting in the way of feeling relaxed and comfortable with sex.
- Step 3: A crucial step of our therapy – building a relationship together. To get comfortable talking about your thoughts and feelings about sex, we'll go at your pace and support what feels challenging without overwhelming you.
Some of the topics we might cover are:
What if I have other problems besides sex?
It’s common for clients with sexual concerns to have anxiety and depression attached to it. Sex may feel like the biggest stressor in your life, but there can also be old history or troubles in your life that have gone unnoticed or unresolved.
The magic of working on sex in therapy is that it has a way of pulling in the big picture of your life. We’ll figure out what else needs attention and how that impacts your sexuality. There may be instances when other issues are more urgent or pressing than sex and we need to shore you up there. After we put your bigger story together, we’ll both have a better understanding of your current challenges and will create a plan on where to go.
I like to work with you as your only individual therapist. If you have an existing individual therapist and would like to explore working with me for sex-related issues, I address this more in depth in my FAQ.
The magic of working on sex in therapy is that it has a way of pulling in the big picture of your life. We’ll figure out what else needs attention and how that impacts your sexuality. There may be instances when other issues are more urgent or pressing than sex and we need to shore you up there. After we put your bigger story together, we’ll both have a better understanding of your current challenges and will create a plan on where to go.
I like to work with you as your only individual therapist. If you have an existing individual therapist and would like to explore working with me for sex-related issues, I address this more in depth in my FAQ.
WORKING WITH A CERTIFIED SEX THERAPIST IN SAN FRANCISCO, CA
Your sexual health is part of both your physical and emotional health. Whether you’re experiencing performance anxiety, libido changes, confusion about your sexuality, or you simply feel uncomfortable talking about sex with your partner or your current therapist, therapy with me can help. My depth training in sexuality helps in bringing in the full picture.
In my practice, I welcome all genders, sexual identities, and different relational and monogamy agreements. I am a sex worker ally and have advanced competency in kink practices. Many of my couple therapy clients or couple partners are LGBTQIA+ identified. Matching my own background, I often work with people of mixed ethnic and cultural identities, first and second-generation immigrants, and BIPOC clients. Come as you are.
If you have a sense something needs to shift, now is the moment to take a risk. You don’t have to figure it all out on your own. Contact me to book a free consultation.
In my practice, I welcome all genders, sexual identities, and different relational and monogamy agreements. I am a sex worker ally and have advanced competency in kink practices. Many of my couple therapy clients or couple partners are LGBTQIA+ identified. Matching my own background, I often work with people of mixed ethnic and cultural identities, first and second-generation immigrants, and BIPOC clients. Come as you are.
If you have a sense something needs to shift, now is the moment to take a risk. You don’t have to figure it all out on your own. Contact me to book a free consultation.
