If you’re serious about changing your sex life to something that looks more manageable and right for you, I follow a holistic treatment approach to problematic sex with clients. This framework has been endorsed by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT), the leading certifying body for sexuality professionals. The process is to explore behaviors, obstacles, values, and identify goals. There is no assuming or judging – it’s all about coming together to understand what’s causing the unwanted situation.
First, we will get a good assessment of what you think is going wrong in your sex life and where the breakdown is occurring. Next, we will take a look at the impacts sex has on your life and the underlying factors that contribute – relationship history, trauma, substance use, and other challenges that make change difficult. Finally, you and I will take stock of your needs and beliefs. We create a navigable, concrete plan to empower you to get to a healthier place with sex. We apply Six Principles of sexual health to guide your endgame:
Consent: Understanding what consent looks like and whom can give consent is the foundational step in treating any sexual issue or behavior. If identifying this boundary is difficult for you, we can work on setting you up with the best professionals.
Non-exploitative: Partners should consider impacts and risks of potential power differences when having consensual sex. In some cases people struggling with OCSB have histories of being exploited sexually themselves, and they may need support around this.
Honesty: Clear and direct communication maintains sexual well-being. Together, we can work on what might affect your ability to be honest about your desires or intentions to yourself or your partners.
Shared values: Culture, gender, religion, and societal roles all play a key part in shaping sexual values. Therapy provides a safe place to explore and gain clarity on these values (and they may change over the years).
Protection for health and safety: Safe(r) sex is important for both your and your partner’s physical well-being. We will review best practices and talk about your relationship to risk in this area.
Mutual pleasure: Pleasure is the leading motivation for sex. We examine your desires and fantasies more in depth, and talk about how know you and your partners are having the experiences you both want.
Book a free consultation to see if we’re the right fit.