Many times, the qualities in your partner that attracted you in the beginning can morph into a irritating difference between you two…
…or turns out is compensating for a deeper story than you knew on the surface. A common place partners find themselves is somewhere on the spectrum of “I love you, don’t touch me!” and “I hate you, where do think you’re going?” This back and forth means the way we protect ourselves is at odds with the ways we want to be loved, leaving battle scars in its wake.
Couples who are committed who state they’d like to work on ‘communication issues’ send a signal that “I know we’re talking past each other, but I can’t understand why you won’t just hear me out. I’m completely worn out I’m not getting my point across. I am sick and tired of being this misunderstood.” The goal of couples therapy is not to just quit fighting. The goal is to learn to cope with differences and talk through them better – that is where intimacy is experienced. By doing so, you can have more trust and safety, see each other more clearly, and go back to a place of connection.
For me, therapy with couples is enlivening and rich. I’m totally in it with the partnership as they move through their stuck parts to a new level of awareness and appreciation they didn’t know was possible. I point out to the couple the ways each contribute to the problem, and help them lean into the care they have for each other. If this sounds like what you want, contact me for a 20 minute consultation to discuss where you are and what you’re looking for. Couples begin with a weekly commitment of 50 or 80 minute sessions. Longer sessions are recommended. Read more about my style, or review some FAQs.

I welcome all gender and sexual identities as well as different monogamy boundaries. Many of my couple therapy clients have one or both partners who are LGBTQIA+ identified. I hold a non-biased, sex-affirming approach in couples work as part of the health of any relationship. I have professional competency in a diversity of ethical sexual practices, including kink.

“God keeps breaking the heart again and again until it remains open.” – Inayat Khan

© Deva Segal, SF Therapist. All rights reserved. 2020